As my character Shirley Best would say, “What other people think of you is none of your business!”
Who/what contributed to your inner strength?
Eventually I came to the realization in life that I was intrinsically different from what my parents wanted me to be like, even different from what society dictated I should be like. In essence I realized no matter how painful in a way this was, I could never live up to their expectations of me. It just wasn't “me.” My father once told me, completely coming from a place of caring and love, keep in mind...“You know what your problem is Zandra, you have all these hopes and dreams. The sooner you realize you'll never be anything other than you are now, the happier you'll be.” Nothing could be farther from my reality. That's when I knew I had to go it alone, “the road less travelled.” Naturally we all want to fit in and be accepted, so it took a lot of inner strength to get through that transition, and get on with the business of living life for myself, by my own rules, and beliefs. As my character Shirley Best would say, “What other people think of you is none of your business!”
When in your life was your inner strength particularly tested and how did you deal with the incident?
Similar to a large number of individuals, I had a few problems stemming from low self-esteem. Inadvertently I found myself in a relationship that eventually grew to be somewhat physically abusive. Certainly I made the move and left the relationship, but at the time I was bascially just starting a new job in a new city and had to come to grips with not only being totally alone, really for the first time in my life but, as well, I had to really do some intense self examination to determine how I had ever let myself fall into such a negative situation. I guess you could say I learned the hard way that unless you respect and value yourself, no one else is going to do it for you.
What suggestions do you have to help people realize their capabilities?
I think accomplishing your goals, living the life you really want to live, it all boils down to your perspective. I would suggest to people that even though it seems the world around you is overwhelming and out of your control, and it is, the one thing over which you do have control, is your reaction to it. You are not a victim. You can take responsibilty for changing your life, and you CAN do it, one step at a time. At the risk of sounding cliche, it's never too late to begin again. To me life should be an ongoing experience of changing, developing, learning, growing, and working toward developing your talents and potential.
Why is it important to focus on inner strength?
Inner strength is, in fact, the true essence of a person. Everything else is transient or volatile. We should focus on it because, in the end, it is all we have.
What are your next goals and what positive thoughts or activities keep you striving toward your goals?
I believe very strongly in thinking positively. It is difficult sometimes to maintain a positive attitude with the curves life can throw at you, but I really do think it is a matter of choice. You do create your own reality so if you want to see everything as going bad or wrong then I can pretty well guarantee you're going to get your wish.
I subscribe more to the philosphy laid out so eloquently by Thoreau: “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.”
I think we should set goals, of course, but not be so obsessed with them we can't be flexible, otherwise other unforeseen opportunities could be missed. As Shirley would say, “Walk through the open doorways. Don't bang your head on the wall.”
Regarding my own goals, I would really like to explore working on television, radio, publicly speaking as myself, not just as Shirley. I do fashion designing as well, so far just for myself, but there has been such a positive response to my clothing line, I want to look into mass producing it. Oh Heavens, I want to do it all! The possibilities are endless! I hope to be able to devote more time to writing in the near future, not just comedy but fiction as well. I need to write more books. I would like to leave more of a legacy on this earth when I go than just a pile of unpaid credit card bills. This is what keeps me motivated.
